My imaginary dinner party guest #3: Margaret Atwood

Previously on ‘My Imaginary Dinner Party’… Now there’s a table, a rapidly depleting selection of wines, a tepid pasta bake, a smattering of Pringle crumbs in a bowl, Leonard Cohen, Lana Del Rey, and me. Leonard’s ramped up the story-telling and Lana is sitting with one leg crossed elegantly over the other, hand-rolled cigarette in […]

My imaginary dinner party guest #2: Lana Del Rey

Previously on ‘My Imaginary Dinner Party’… There’s a table, a selection of wines, a crispy-on-top pasta bake, Leonard Cohen, and me. Leonard is relaying a long-winded but droll story about that time he made love to a beautiful archaeologist in Tel Aviv who inspired his unpublished poem Beauty in a Burka. I’ve got a weird […]

My imaginary dinner party guest #1: Leonard Cohen

It’s a classic silence-breaker question. If you could invite anyone in the world to a dinner party, alive or dead, who would it be and why? I have four guests at mine, and here’s the first. Oh and before you ask, we’re having pasta bake. Leonard Cohen This was the man who wrote the line: […]

It’s ‘spooky season’ and this is why we love horror

Humans love to be freaked out. We just love it. Does anything make us happier than a creepy long-haired girl crawling out of a well? I studied gothic fiction in my final year of university and it was the best few months of my entire education. We got to read all the classic horror stories […]

22 small joys in life

Sometimes on my drive to work in the mornings, I gaze out of the car window (usually the front one) at passing fields and wish I was a horse.  Horses spend a lot of time in the countryside eating. They’re occasionally ridden. They have nice hair.  But then the very fact that I am able […]

Bumbags and birthdays

“Where did you get that from? Guatemala? Honduras?” I followed the Waitrose check-out lady’s gaze to my crotch area. Ah yes, I was wearing a multicoloured bumbag. Not for fashion reasons obviously, but as a nifty hands-free receptacle for any guinea pig grass I happened to find on my walk (I live in quite a […]

18 things I didn’t achieve in 2018

Remarkable, just how much you can manage to not achieve if you really put your mind to it. For example, in the last 12 months (8,760 hours) I have managed to achieve practically nothing of any note whatsoever.

Goodbye twenty-seven, I will never see you again

Each and every year, on the final day before my birthday, my internal monologue postpones business as usual and gets stuck in an infuriating loop of: ‘this is the last time I’m going to [insert activity] as an [insert age] year-old’. Today is my last day of being 27 and I just got back from the […]

We survived another year on this inevitable road to death

Not that I’m a pessimist or anything. I’m just potently aware of my own – and everyone else’s, mortality, and there’s nothing like the sudden arrival of New Year’s Eve to bring it all  rushing to the surface. Cheers! In Western culture we have a tradition of marking the start of each year with a […]