Have you ever fallen asleep to someone tapping on a plastic colander?

I have. I started writing a blog about ASMR one year ago. I didn’t finish it because the more I wrote about it, the weirder I felt, like those people on Channel 4 documentaries who fall in love with fairground rides and car exhausts, and you think – why are you on telly admitting toContinue reading “Have you ever fallen asleep to someone tapping on a plastic colander?”

The weirdness of flying in a plane

Something weird just happened to me. Without moving my head at all, I could flick my eyes to the left and see Eastbourne, the place in England where I live and spend most of my time, and I could flick them to the right and see the northern coast of France, the country I’m currentlyContinue reading “The weirdness of flying in a plane”

Bumbags and birthdays

“Where did you get that from? Guatemala? Honduras?” I followed the Waitrose check-out lady’s gaze to my crotch area. Ah yes, I was wearing a multicoloured bumbag. Not for fashion reasons obviously, but as a nifty hands-free receptacle for any guinea pig grass I happened to find on my walk (I live in quite aContinue reading “Bumbags and birthdays”

Things people don’t tell you about buying a property

1. It’s not actually that stressful There’s that popular saying, isn’t there, about how moving house is the most stressful thing a person can do in their life. I think what was more stressful than moving into my new flat was having my big toenail pliered off by a nurse in an A&E in CardiffContinue reading “Things people don’t tell you about buying a property”

Daphne du Maurier wrote her first book here but I forgot to bring a pen so I’m writing this stupid blog instead

Fowey is not pronounced Fow-ee. That’s the most surprising thing about this small Cornish fishing town. Everything else is exactly as it should be. Steep narrow streets, quaint cafes offering Cornish cream teas, crooked 16th century pubs, seagulls, little shops (selling postcards, chunky jewellery, floaty dresses and those tiny wooden sailing ships you’re supposed toContinue reading “Daphne du Maurier wrote her first book here but I forgot to bring a pen so I’m writing this stupid blog instead”

On writing, social media and the impending end of Lent

I’m irritating myself. Everything I do irritates me. I’m irritating myself by writing this blog because I sat down to write my story and look what’s happened. Really I should be packing, or throwing all my old stuff away because we’re moving house in a couple of days, but I’ve just remembered I have aContinue reading “On writing, social media and the impending end of Lent”

6.5 tips for getting through the Fast 800 diet without killing someone

I’m over the halfway point on my 6.5 week Fast 800 diet, so to distract myself from the fact that I’ve got to do what I just did AGAIN, here are 6.5 tips to help you fast for 16 hours a day without killing anyone. If you are interested in my progress, so far IContinue reading “6.5 tips for getting through the Fast 800 diet without killing someone”

Hyperreality and the home

I’m standing on thick-pile carpet in front of a 3-seater Chesterfield sofa. A golden-framed hexagon-shaped mirror is mounted on the fashionably patterned wall behind it. The room and all of its trinkets and finishing touches is dominated by peacock greens and blues with metallic accents. There is a rich, decadent, almost exotic feel to theContinue reading “Hyperreality and the home”

The day I finally accessed my body’s fat stores (Fast 800 diet)

This morning I weed on a stick and it turned pink. To bring you up to speed (god forbid you should miss something on this riveting journey of mine) it’s day 4 of the Fast 800 diet, which I’ve decided to follow for 6.5 weeks over Lent.