The 10-step Wok Cake

The Wok Cake is a complex dessert that requires real concentration, skill and flare

With a little practice and patience, it is possible to achieve an acceptable Wok Cake. All you need to do is follow these instructions very carefully…

  1. Buy your ingredients

This is not as easy as it sounds. Before you even step out of the front door you will need to draw up a list of necessary items. Even the most talented of bakers can jeopardise their creations by forgetting what they went to the shop for.

Quick Tip: List your ingredients one after the other for ease of reading.

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2. Plan for failure

20150827_202857Over-confidence is one of the top 20 reasons bakers fail when it comes to the Wok Cake. Creating this bake is as much a philosophy as it is a recipe. Keep calm, keep centred and ALWAYS strategise for the worst case scenario.

3. Put on an apron

If you want to be respected in baking circles, it is imperative that you put on an amusing apron. It should ideally be printed with the torso of a bare-breasted woman, but a baking-related pun will pass in this instance.

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4. Document each stage of your process

Remember, things you have made do not exist unless you post photographs of them online. Ensure you photograph every step of your progress. If possible, enlist an assistant to take photos for you. That way you can be in them.

Quick Tip: Add a nostalgic Instagram filter to give atmosphere to inanimate baking equipment

4. Open your tin of condensed milk

Many bakers fall flat at this point. Tin openers are notoriously elusive. Sometimes they disappear from the cutlery draw entirely, and it is at this point that the helplessness of your situation can start to dawn on you. Without condensed milk your Wok Cake WILL NOT WORK. I recommend looking in your dish washer as it may not have been unloaded yet.

Quick Tip: At the half-way point, take a break from opening the can to rest your wrist.

20150827_2051015. Carefully segment your chocolate

Please note that some chocolate manufacturers do include ‘easy to segment’ lines in their chocolate bars. It is advisable to use these lines to aid you in your segmentation.

Quick Tip: Set aside a small pile of chocolate segments for yourself. Once the photo has been taken, increase the size of your pile exponentially. You may need to make use of a third chocolate bar.

20150827_2054486. Add condensed milk and chocolate to your wok

This is a key moment in the Wok Cake creation process. Without it, it is just Cake. Make sure all of the chocolate goes IN the wok. If you fail to target the wok directly, segments of chocolate will fall on the floor and it may be necessary for you to eat them instead of cook them which was not the initial plan at all.

Quick tip: Buy a fourth chocolate bar in case too many segments fall in the floor and not in the wok.

20150827_2056387. Strike Hobnobs repeatedly with a rolling pin

This will form the foundation of your Wok Cake. It is important that you place Hobnobs in a receptacle BEFORE bashing. An error here could cause a great deal of mess. Once bashed, the Hobnobs will be much smaller than they were in their original form, making them much harder to control. Add melted butter and optional peanut butter, and stir until stirred.

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Quick Tip: Although tempting, refrain from getting distracted by something more interesting at this point

8. Transfer tiny Hobnob pieces to a new container

Although it may not seem obvious now, there is a good reason for transferring your Hobnob pieces to a new receptqcle. The new receptacle will be your Wok Cake’s home for the next 24 hours. This is where the magic happens.

Quick Tip: If you didn’t make enough biscuit mixture to fill the new recepticle or receptacles, make some more.

20150827_2108599. Pour chocolatey condensed milk on top of Hobnob mixture

This will form the top of your Wok Cake. Ensure the whole ‘face’ of the Wok Cake is covered in the mixture. A true Wok Cake has no biscuit showing.

Quick Tip: Always pour the chocolate on top of the biscuit and not the other way round. This is an embarrassing concept for Wok Cake aficionados.

10. Decorate and refrigerate

This last tip never fails to make bakers smile, no least because it rhymes. A true Wok Cake is decorated according to a precise mathematical formula which dictates exactly where the white chocolate discs are placed. Remember, the second Wok Cake should always have fewer discs than the first. One error can be the difference between Wok Cake and wrong cake.

Quick Tip: Use a notepad to jot down your equations, and have fun with it.

20150827_213126Once it has been refrigerated overnight, your Wok Cake should look like so. If it doesn’t, you may have missed an instruction and it is advisable to start again.

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Categories Health & BeautyTags , ,

3 thoughts on “The 10-step Wok Cake

  1. I can’t wait to try this at home! But as a nervous baker, I am concerned about my inadequate biscuit crushing skills. Crumbs and big bits is all I’ll say.

    Like

  2. Brilliant , i clearly have LOT to learn about baking!

    Like

  3. This still makes me laugh zoe, but i do hope you never make a wok cake again!!

    Like

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