I’ve been on a lot of diets in my life.
I start them feeling psyched up and confident, thinking ‘this is it! This is the one. In a few months I’ll have a figure like a twenty-something Elle Macpherson instead of a sea-cow’.
But it never seems to happen like that. I diet hard for a few weeks but then I start dreaming of cake. I find myself in Sainsbury’s staring fixedly at the bakery counter, fantasising about stuffing a whole cream and raspberry jam pastry puff into my mouth. I start feeling sorry for myself and then I wonder if being skinny is worth the hassle. Then invariably I come to the conclusion that actually, it’s not.
I’m not a naturally skinny person. I was when I was 12, before I grew tits and hips on a body that constantly defies my lack of maternal instinct. Now all I can do is look back at photos of myself as a carefree, waifey 12-year-old and feel weirdly jealous.
It’s my one neurosis. In other areas of my life I think I’m fairly grounded, but when it comes to food and my body, I become wildly insecure and a little bit annoying.
But I’m back here again. At the beginning of a diet. It’s because I’m 25 in a month. As untrue as I know it is, I kind of feel this is my last chance to do it. To get that lean Elle Macpherson torso before my metabolism grinds to a halt and I have to start worrying about wrinkles and grey hair on top of everything else. Unless I also get Elle Macpherson’s incredible ability to stay looking 25 forever.
I’ve named it the ’33 day challenge’. It’s an experiment as much as a weight-loss initiative. My body genuinely baffles me. I exercise as much as I can and as much as I love food, I don’t go over-board too often. But the formula for weight loss is simple: burn more than you consume. As I’m not losing or putting on weight, I must be working off exactly what I eat. So in order to lose weight, I’ve got to reduce the amount (or adjust the type) of food I eat.
The 33-day challenge is really simple. I eat more protein, drink more water, eliminate ‘bad food’ (all cakes/cookies/crisps etc.) and reduce complex carbs like pasta and bread. I’ve also added a quick workout to my morning routine (120 sit-ups).
If you are actually interested then you can see my daily food and exercise diary here. It’s just lists but if you’re on a diet too I guess it’s interesting to see what other people eat.
The challenge will take me up to my birthday on 12 June (I’m already 3 days in). Let’s see if it works!! (It probably won’t)